Chapter Four

“I’m after Pastor Todd,” he said to the receptionist. Lois wasn’t so sure if this gentleman was at the right place, given how he looked. He had his hair braided in the middle and his sideburns weren’t well groomed. That gave way for his black studs to be clearly visible. His shirt did a good job by covering his well-built muscles but it wasn’t enough to hide the tattoo marks from his previous life which announced itself on his nape and his left forearm.

“You have an appointment, sir?” She asked to confirm.

“Erm… any reason for this appointment?” By this time he was beginning to wonder what all these was about. Was it a subtle way of telling him to leave because he didn’t look saved enough? He smirked at that thought.

“Not yet.”

“You know what, it’s fine. I’ll leave a message” he replied.

“Why leave a message when you can just talk to me?” Someone interrupted. Pastor Todd was already out of his office ready to grab an afternoon snack. He never needed anyone to announce his presence. This fun-loving, not-so-young pastor exuded youthful exuberance and had just the charisma needed for the role of a youth pastor of Wordscapes church. A funky name for a church which describes itself as looking at life from the Word’s point of view.

It wasn’t built like the usual churches with high walls and a marked area for the supposedly holy people to sit. It looked more like a converted garage with beautiful wall art inscriptions from the Bible. One wall had the hall of faith designed on it, featuring Abraham, David and the rest of the squad who had crazy faith. Another had John 3:16 depicted in a painting. One whole wall had shelves stacked with Christian books and trophies as well as antiques that were valuable for teaching. It was a simple church and did have a friendly atmosphere. 

“It’s so good to see you, Mitch”, he extended his hand and he took it firmly. 

“And it’s not easy to see you, Todd,” he jested.

“I understand. Lois did not mean to put you through all that. She’s a bit new here and doesn’t know who my usual guests are”, he finally addressed.

“That’s alright. I’m still trying to work on my wardrobe to look saved too.” That cracked the young pastor up.

“You’re really something. Your company is beginning to become one of the things I always look forward to.” he gently clamped his shoulder. 

“Here, join me and let’s grab a nosh-up. I could use a snack date, and we can talk all that time,” Todd smiled.

“Fine with me,” they both hopped into the pastor’s Buick and were gone in less than a minute.

He looked overly dressed for someone who just wanted to grab a snack and even more so for one who identifies himself as a pastor. Although his outfit wasn’t “pastoring it” at all, his heart was definitely in the right place.

“So, how is it going, studying the sun?”

“Manageable. Not really seeing the essence of this but it’s a good timekeeper”

“That’s great. I bet you’d have something different to say by the sixth month. 

“Perhaps, you’re right”

“I know I am. And when you’re done with whatever work of art you choose to present it in, we can feature it at the back of the church hall.”

“Where we gather for socialization?”

“Mmmhm. What do you think?”

“Alright. Sounds good. That means whatever I’m up to it has to be humongous, then”.

“You said it, I didn’t,” Todd winked. 

He pulled  the seatbelt and hooked it into its lock by the seat and readjusted himself in it. 

“Great. Now we’re all set. I’ve been craving a burger for days and today I’ve got to grant myself that wish!” He thought out loud. Mitch found that funny.

“I thought you folks don’t get to have cravings. You know, like, doing what you feel like doing. Denying the flesh, like they put it”, Mitch commented.

“Interesting. See you getting all scriptured up with me” he teased.

“Well I’m not sure the Christians you’ve met but I know in my Bible that we all are humans with like passions. And we all have been set free from the power of sin. It does not mean that I would not falter every once in a while, it only means that sin has no power to control what I say or do. Now, about my poor burger, take away my title as pastor and I’m just a man like you who just feels for a burger. Perhaps the day you see me flirting with another woman apart from Mrs. Todd, you can bring this up again and it’d totally be in context, that is, if I don’t get to outsmart you” Todd teased.

Mitch admired him from the first time he met him and that was the day he had just committed fornication with one of his congregation members. He wondered how the lady he had just had a one-off with could look nothing like the Christian she professed. She brought him to church after sinning that morning and that was the day he gave his life to Christ. Pastor Todd took an interest in him and that was the turning point of his life.

“Speaking of passions…. Erm, a lady kissed me last night” he confessed, waiting for him to do the expected – judge him.

“At where?” Todd asked, his gaze still fixed on the road with his hands steering the wheels.

“Night’s…Mare?”

“I see… there’s a reason it’s called Night’s Mare, you know” he replied.

“… I didn’t stop her… I actually kissed her back” he continued, still waiting for the jabs.

The next question blew his mind away.

“Did you enjoy it?” Pastor Todd asked. He nodded obeisantly, as if it’ll minimize the guilt on his head. 

“Did you go overboard with her?” He added.

“I didn’t.”

“Why not? You didn’t like her that much?”

“I would have, but she was drunk and it just didn’t feel right. Besides, I had to stand by my decision that I was done with that kind of life” he replied.

“That’s good then,” he added, still calm and cool and driving- not even the slightest change in his attitude.

“Is that all you’re going to say? I thought you were a pastor?”

“You got that right. I’m a pastor, not a judge and it’s my job to guide you not smack you every time you do something stupid. I’m not saying anything because, from how you sound, it seems to me you already  know what is right so do I really have to rub it in your face again to make you feel worse?” 

Mitch turned speechless. This was beyond his age old idea of who a pastor was but for some reason, he felt a little warmth within which encouraged him to draw closer to this one.

“If this helps, nothing can separate you from the love Jesus has for you. Not your mistakes, or anything else but if you say He’s your Lord, you should prove it, right?”

“Thank you”

“Don’t say thank you and go back to it again”, he scolded gently. 

“I suppose that’s how you expected me to sound earlier “, he jested. They finally got to McDonald’s and he pulled over on one of their parking spots.

“Flee sexual immorality, Mitchel. It’s the only sin the Bible tells us to flee from. If that means cutting off your visits to the club”, he gave him a concerned look as his hands stayed on the wheel.  He took a few minutes to park in line  and excused himself to go grab his burger.

He was back in no less than ten minutes hunched over a couple of burgers and French fries. 

“Wanna sit in here or you’d prefer a park with some good views?” He asked, hugging the paper bags closely to his chest.

“I’m fine with any”, Mitch replied.

“I pick the park then, let’s move it”, he jumped straight into the car. They found themselves a great spot adjacent to the church building where kids ran around and teen boys played basketball.

“Hey you there!” Todd yelled at the boys.

“You should visit church as much as you visit its court, you know” he continued. The players couldn’t ignore nor pretend to not have heard. They gave him a thumbs up and a wink. Pastor Todd was friendly but always had a way of putting people in their place, especially teenagers who liked to outsmart others. Perhaps that was why he was made a youth pastor. 

One of the main things he did upon becoming a minister was to build a basketball court beside the church and a mini park where they could have outdoor activities. It was his intention to lure the youth in and reach out to them as they came in. 

“Have you always wanted to be a pastor?” Mitch asked after taking a huge bite of his burger.

“Hmmm, not always but long enough. I think I got that desire when I got to college”

“What did you want to be?”

“I wanted to be a model, that’s one -“

“Oh okay, then your appearance makes so much sense now. I think you still are”

“Indeed. And I’ll rather I model for Christ than model for some folks who know nothing of Him. No offense to anyone but that’s just my preference”

“That’s alright. But why did you want to be a pastor?”

“I wanted to be a pastor because I had this burning desire to be used by God to make up for the failures I’ve had in the past. I failed my younger brother and he just wasted away while I was busy with everything else”

“He died from abusing drugs. And I always remember the days I was too busy to be there for him when he was growing in his teen years and faced with all kinds of pressure”,  He added, his mind taking him back to that unpleasant sight of seeing his brother on the floor stone cold with small bubbles lining his lips bearing witness that he died a painful death.

They were all they had and being the eldest and the breadwinner, he had to always be on the move in making sure that they were comfortable. 

“I’m sorry I asked,” Mitch sensed that he had touched a delicate subject.

“But have you ever regretted it?” He still asked. He needed the answers. Perhaps if the guilt compelled him to be a pastor then he could be free from it now.

“Never. Not once have I regretted it”

“Why not ?”

“You must love questions!” He paused to take another hefty bite. 

“Look up there, what do you see?” Todd asked

“The sky? Tall trees and buildings?”

“What else?”

“What else is there to see?”

“How did you see them?”

“My eyes, duh?”

“I see…”

“Exactly my point” Mitch replied, not knowing the relevance of these questions in relation to his.

“Funny how you mentioned everything but failed to recognize the one thing that made it possible for you to see in the first place”

“And what would that be?”

“The sun,” Todd smiled.

“Okay so how does it answer my question?”

“It answers it more than any word I would ever say” he replied.

“How?”

“That’s the part I’d want you to find out for yourself “ he winked at him.

“How?” Mitch was not amused  this time around.

“Continue to take some time to study the sun like I asked you to and represent them the best way you can and you’ll know. I am going to give you three passages as a guide. The first, Genesis 1:1-3, the second John 1:1-3 and the third Matthew 5:45. You can drop in at any time to talk about your findings while you think of how you’re going to present your research in a way which does not involve text.”

Mitch could feel his eyeballs rolling out and bouncing on the grass beneath them.

“This is the second time you’ve given me this sun project. It must be very important to you”, Mitch said.

“Mmmhm. And it should be fun”, Todd imagined as he spoke dreamily. He double tapped his shoulder like buddies usually do and excused himself.

“Catch up with you later, bud” he left.

Without text, he wondered. Pastor Todd might be admirable and all that but this was quite uncanny of him to ask, Mitch thought.

****

If someone had told him after twenty-eight years of his life he’d be like this some ten years ago he’d have laughed hard at their face. He started out as one vibrant, ambitious boy having a boy squad of his own. They were such showstoppers in the school they attended but the stuff they were involved in were far from their cute looks. It was hard to match their deeds with their faces. He remembered how intimidating they were and how whatever they said or did was the rule of the day. But what others didn’t know was the fact that he’d rather be withdrawn and reserved. Feeling the pressure to be out there so he’s not bullied or kicked to the curb spurred him to be something more than he would rather be.

Now here he was living everyday painfully regretting everything he did in the name of being a man. What he found nipping was one truth he had kept for too long. It ate him up every single day and it felt impossible to forget. The real problem was, if his best friend found out what would he do? They had literally been brothers ever since they popped out of the womb and there was no separating them. Even with their boy squad they exchanged lead roles every now and then, making the last guy look like a third wheel.

He reclined in his chair by his bed listless in the world around him. His mother had worn herself out trying to talk him out of it and to get on with his life already. His younger sister was too busy with her life to be concerned. Every morning he’d get up, freshen up only to sit in his single accent couch in dark colors, roaming in his own thoughts. It was good enough he had his hygiene in order but apart from that everything else was a mess. 

“Are you still going to sit there and do nothing? For crying out loud, you’re twenty-eight and not getting any younger, Jamie! Look at your cousin. You call him your best friend yet you’re not learning a thing from him!” his mother carped. He could see continuing with that conversation would certainly cause him to break the fifth commandment especially with those pent-up emotions he had. He slipped into his brown furry loafers and stepped out.

“And where do you think you are going to?”, she blocked his way. He stood there motionless with his hands in his pockets, fighting every feeling of spouting back. He closed his eyes, refusing to meet her eyes with his partly because she was working his very last nerve and also because he was scared she’d see what he was hiding. He stepped by her to go and she blocked again.

“What do you want, mom?” his voice as low as possible.

“What do I want? You’re twenty-eight years old still living with your mother and you don’t know what I want?” She bawled.

“So that’s the problem?”

“It’s not? Living in your mother’s house isn’t a problem?”

“Twenty-eight years old. Your house,” he chuckled softly and continued out. 

“What is funny?” 

“I didn’t know this was your house,” he smirked, descending the stairs into the hall.

She felt the mockery in his words in that dauntless tone but she wasn’t going to be quelled by him. 

“I’m not going to allow you to become a disgrace to this family, Jamie! The world has got to see that I’ve got great kids too!” She drifted a bit but the look in her eyes was dead serious. 

“By the world you mean Aunt Sally, right?” The words felt heavy on his tongue. 

“So that’s the reason for that stunt you pulled ten years ago. It makes sense now. It was never because you cared about your son. You only cared about how you’d look. I see,” he continued.

“I told you to never speak of that again. As far as everyone is concerned it was just a childish joke!”

“But it wasn’t,” his voice broke. His heart thumped at the thought. And those creepy-crawly feelings climbed up on him as he replayed the scene that had stuck his mind for ten cold years. 

“Get lost…” she broke the itchy silence.

“I’ll never have my son be so dense and cowardly”, she added. 

“Right. I’m a coward and apparently my mother taught me that when she chose her face over her son’s  character,” he replied.

“It’s in your best interest to keep that story to yourself if you value your brotherhood with Rich,” she finally said. He said nothing more and left.

She didn’t want her son spilling chaff to the wrong ears if there were any. As far as she knew, ten years ago, she only took out the trash. It didn’t matter if the trash was a living breathing person.