Chapter One

The winds swept over her face as she stood at the seashore in a bland floppy hat and donned with a flare Paris chiffon wrap, a memorabile of the good old days. The sun was finally rising on the other side of the world while it set in hers. Feena said it always worked and she was beginning to agree with her… for once. Who thought that standing at the beach and watching the sunset could feel so soothing? A blend of cold breezes and warm light surely had its way of doing that. Now she had done the first part of Feena’s recommended therapy, it was left with the second. She wondered if she could do it. 

She didn’t think she could.

Her silvery vintage locket  knocked on her chest lightly as the wind tossed it up and down and in all directions. Those gentle taps felt as though it was telling her she could. 

In a brunt of anger, she tore off the chain and threw it into the ocean. She had contemplated long enough on whether to do that or not and that day especially made her feel the need to. 

Many things run through her head. Her real thoughts and the other thoughts. How long had she fought to finally erase the memories of her past? And now, looking back, she’s not sure if that was a good choice she made because now, she couldn’t recognize herself in anything. She just lived. Breathed. And lived. 

“Dear… Jesus”, and those words felt like the weight of her life. It had been ten years since she last called that name. What crazy idea did Feena give to her? To tell some invisible someone what she really wants? That’s if the person really existed. At least, before she grew up she was naive enough to believe there was such a person and she got to know a few of their jargons but how was that going to help with anything? Besides, Feena wasn’t exactly like one of those Christian freaks so where on earth did she get that idea from? Last time she checked, she had spent the night with a total stranger from the club and it was clear they weren’t having Bible study.

“It was the best night I’ve ever had!”, she said mooning around their meagrely sofa in their low budget apartment, the next day. She recalled how tiresome it was listening to her speak over and over about what they did the night before and then it dawned on her. She’d stayed longer with this one and that was a big deal. Anyway, if Feena has really found the one she wants, then that would be good, but what about her?

The wind brushed her skin gently and with each stroke, it painted a feeling of longing, of desire but didn’t know how to put it into words. She had managed to begin the sentence and she could only end it if she knew what she wanted. She sighed at the thought. It was as if she was intimidated by herself to say anything she really wanted to say. What if she was given what she really wanted? That’s if she knew. Would that make her more miserable or happy? The wind blew again. Softly but felt firm on her skin. And the sun was hesitant to disappear into the horizon. It felt like the two forces communicated. The gentle breezes hinting her on what she wants and the smiling sun, waiting for her to say it but she was clueless. She wrapped her arms around herself and looked at the sun with half a smile.

“I think this is what I want”, hoping to not be asked what it was. Her other thoughts yelled a what at her and before she could remember to be scared, she felt an anger rise within her that just bubbled out, “I want to be loved! Is that so much to ask?” And there was a stillness within herself. The sun finally descended into disappearance and the wind bristled against her skin on all sides. Before she could think of condemning herself she noticed someone in her shadow and that was a good enough reason to feel like a loser for asking for such a thing so desperately.

“What the hell, let me be a coward.” She mumbled and turned to leave, unbothered to see whoever that was. Perhaps that too was fate.

She returned to her apartment on the Southern street, a neighborhood found in the heart of the city, where everything happened- the usual hustle and bustle of all kinds of people, diners, presses, traffic jams, anything that involved people. It wasn’t hard to get busy in an environment like that and that’s what she dreaded- the people. She unbolted the door gently and closed it behind her. She couldn’t help but feel exposed and embarrassed to have had her privacy invaded but she’d survived worse. She only hoped whoever it was would forget her face and most importantly forget what she said if he really heard.

“Mmm, you’re home” Feena stashed a spoonful of cereal in her mouth. It looked like she had a long day, with her hair all over the place and still in her pajamas. That was a miracle- being in her pajamas.

“Looks to me like you were good last night” she said, dumping her floppy hat and duffel bag in their two-sized  couch.

“I’m always good, Shasha. Always good” Feena teased.

“I told you to stop calling me that”

“But you don’t stop getting cheeky either” she added. 

She headed to their kitchenette to fix something for herself. 

“I used up all the milk, sorry” Feena said before she opened the cabinet. Her hands stayed on the handles and she sighed.

“I think you should consider moving in with your new boyfriend. You’re becoming too much to handle” Keisha miffed.

“You’ve not been eating for days. I wouldn’t know you’re still interested in food”, she tried to defend herself.

“Whatever. I’ll just grab a bite from the Diner’s.” She wrapped her wavy brunette hair into a bun and poked it with a brooch. 

“Try to buy two gallons of milk this time. Or try babysitting one of that old geezer’s grandkids and we might as well have them for free!” Feena yelled behind her and she  replied with a slam from the door. 

“Arrogant, just arrogant,” she added, enjoying the goodness which was cupped in her hand.

It was a simple diner- nothing special, the perk was the people. They were friendly and warm and their waffles were exceptional. Their boss just happened to be her landlady and to the best of her knowledge, their relationship began from this little diner. However, this bright-eyed old lady insists she’s known her earlier. 

“Ms Naomi, I think you may have mistaken me for someone else”, she told her one time.

“Young lass, I never miss a face but I’ll believe you are right, just because I want to” she replied. Surrounding the circumstances they met, she knew it’ll  not be ideal for her to remind her, otherwise she would have.

Keisha recalled a few years ago, when she was  a working teenager. She had worked as a waiter with Dora back in the day and it was because of that Naomi liked her very much. She’d help out every once in a while and she was diligent with every task she was given.

“Young lady, it’s been a while. That twerp of a friend must be at it again”, she poured her a glass of milk. Naomi never called Feena by her name. 

“As always,” she sighed.

“May I have the usual please,” she added.

“Of course you can, and it’s on the house”, Naomi smiled.

“It’s going to get difficult coming here if you keep doing this, Naomi”

“But you can’t afford to leave knowing I serve the best waffles in this area. And you know I’m old enough to be your mother, right? Addressing me with my first name like I’m some mate of yours” she scolded gently.

She kept silent and just shook her head slightly amused. Old black women were definitely fun to be with. They made a fuss about everything but that was simply their charm.

“You’ve been good, right?” She added.

“Mmhm” she lowered her head with a smile. 

“Blatantly lying to me everytime,” Naomi replied flatly. She took her walking stick and left for the counter.

She knew better not to probe into her business but like a mother would she could tell something was wrong. She reminded her so much of a dear one. That person was also cagey, perhaps even more so than this one. How she wished things didn’t turn out the way it did. She wouldn’t have had to leave and be by herself at that age, with no family or even a friend from that part of the world. Perhaps that’s what made her fond of this young lady, even to the point of offering her one of her apartments to stay in for free. She usually saw her walk in and out most nights dressed in a rather suggestive way but she decided to feign ignorance.

Her experience taught her a hard lesson to always mind her own business unless someone’s life was at stake. But for some reason, God always made her path cross with this young lady as if He was trying to give her a message. That’s how she liked to view the situation. How then, could she explain meeting her whenever she had to go through a hard time?

Benny, one of the waiters brought her her meal and she nodded to show her gratitude to him. She stared long into the meal as if she had found a microbe in it.

“Something wrong?” Naomi asked from behind the counter, punching in some figures into the computer. 

“No… nothing at all. The meal is fine,” she sketched a smile.

“Even if it’s not, that’s all you’ve got”, Naomi needled her with her snideness.

Keisha smiled, grateful for her presence in her life. She was like the mother she never had. Somehow she wondered why she was still single at that age but then again, her stance on relationships gave her a good enough reason as to why that’s possible.

“Be good and take care of yourself. I have a cell meeting so I’ll leave early. One day you should join, rather than sit around and mope all day.” She chipped, grabbing her coat.

“With that old nurse? No thank you. I already have to deal with one of you”, Keisha waved her goodbye.

A few hours later the door charm jingled. A young lady with her son took a seat adjacent to hers and requested a menu. The little boy sounded like a handful – asking questions about everything, pulling tablecloths and drumming with the cutlery organized on the table.

“Darren, you promised to behave properly today,” the mother cried. She seemed rather intimidated to scold her own son.

Promise. Children. Those two never get along. It only does when the children are holding their parents accountable for their promises. Otherwise, it’s just a chasing after the wind, she thought as she couldn’t help but hear the conversation between the mother and son. 

“Your father is not going to be happy with you, if you continue, Darren”, exasperated at the thought of it.

Keisha smirked. “Have fathers ever been happy with their children?” Taking the last bite of her waffle.

“I would never have a daughter be so daft. She’s never amounted to anything. All she’s ever done was grow up and incur losses. Maybe she got this denseness from you…” her memories served her a piece of her past as a child. Dreading the thought of more of those dropping in on her, she slipped a few dollars and a thank you note under her tray and got up to leave.

“Keisha?” the young mother called her. Taking a good look at her, she froze. Now she knew she needed to disappear, and quickly.

“Keisha, please wait!” She tried to stop her but it was too late. She had already slipped out. The staff wondered what the drama was all about. Reminding themselves of their codes of conduct, they all resumed their duties. 

“You know her, mama?”

“She’s… your aunt.”

“That young?”

She briefly stared at her clueless boy and sighed. How could she miss her like that? Just before their meal arrived her husband came through the doors with some bags in hand and the female employees were instantly taken. Wooing women with his looks came effortlessly; he just had to show up. He joined his wife at the table paying the waitresses as little as a half smile and they were each struggling with the other to get the chance to serve them personally.

“Did you see her?”

“See who?” he sliced a piece of bacon.

“Keisha. She was seated here a few minutes ago” she pointed at the table with the paper trash adjacent to theirs. He dropped his cutlery. The news thrilled him. How he wished to believe that his wife was lying. 

“I am sure it was her, Jamal. Hazel eyes like a doll, sleek brunette hair like when she was a child only a little bit scruffy this time and that beauty spot on her temple, it was definitely her!”

“Sure. I believe you. I’m sure we’d see her again now that we’re in the neighborhood, don’t get too worked up over it. We’ll see her again so please eat up.”  He smiled flatly, hoping that’d give her the unspoken impression. However, she was too immersed in the thought of not seeing her for about ten years. It’s not like they were close but whatever kind of relationship they had before didn’t merit the look of terror that wore on her face a few minutes ago.

Darren was already playing with his meal, making fighters out of his rolls, unbothered with his parents’ affair. 

“But why would she run away from me?”

“Not you… it’s probably because of me. She didn’t want to run into me”.

“But why?”

He knew she wasn’t going to let it go unless he said something convincing enough.

“Don’t tell me she’s still feeling bad over what happened ten years ago? That could be the only reason” she added, still deep in thoughts.

If it was school, he would have said saved by the bell. He had to hop on this one chance of not dragging this conversation.

“You know how she easily beat herself up over everything. Maybe she just has to learn how to forgive herself”, he replied tactfully. It seemed that it worked.

“Well, I can relate with that, but have you forgiven her though?” she asked.

He didn’t know what to say. All these years, they both believed Keisha was the one at fault but he knew he had wronged her the most.

“Honey, I think we should get back to our meal so we can return to unpacking at our new apartment,” he chipped. 

“I’m just concerned about her. I wonder why you aren’t”.

“I am just as concerned, Marissa. Maybe even more than you are, but, there’s no point getting worked up about it. She’d be fine. Let’s hope we ran into her again, then you would see that I have really forgiven her”, he cupped her hand on the table. She smiled and nodded in agreement. But what he really prayed for was to never run into her.

The uniformed ladies behind the counter were clearly distracted while admiring the comely young father especially because they hardly noticed the other customers trying to get their attention for a menu.

“Your charm is working again, baby,” Marissa couldn’t be prouder. She finally landed the Lady’s Guy. If only she knew which lady. It was providential that her husband was a one-lady kind of guy now. Some years ago, the story would have been different, but thank God for love.

“Hopefully we get a discount today too” he quipped.

They both chuckled. And it was that charming smile of his which got her falling in love all over again. It was always warm and genuine. He lifted himself up a little to plant a soft kiss on her cheek as if to make a statement. Marissa blushed. Little Darren was just being his usual self- clueless about whatever happened between his parents.

“Looks like our little bud has enough here to keep him busy”, he commented as he watched their son create characters from the crockery arranged on the table. They got back to eating and chitchatted about how to set up their new apartment.

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