Chapter Six

Keeping up with the trends wasn’t in her dictionary, she was the trend. Yet, somehow, she’d managed to be a woman of few words. Hardly did she talk about her family when in the spotlight or not. Being a young adult at twenty-six, people concluded that she was possibly a wealthy orphan. For unnecessary attention reasons, she never got herself a boyfriend.

“Cookie, you’re on set in five…” Adrian prompted. She nodded as she touched on her make up. Being the type of lady who was confident in her looks, she always went in for a nude makeup theme, accentuating her amber eyes. Time was one thing that could never rush her and this was something her producers understood her for. She laid down her brushes and took a while to admire herself in the mirror. In a moment, she thought of how things changed so fast between her younger sister and the family. Somehow she prayed no one would know she was related to her, especially because of the scandal she was involved in.

“The young seem to grow fast and not so well…” she remarked. Lining her slender lips with a wine matte lipstick. She rubbed them together and blew a kiss to herself in the mirror. Her phone rang when she had gotten up to slip into her outfit.

“Who disturbs my quiet…?” She tapped her airpods and reached for her outfit from the hanger on the partition.

“What is it, Sally? I thought you had exhausted your calls to me for the month.” she zipped up her brown skinny leather trousers.

“Family dinner, Sunday evening. Suspend everything and be there” she ordered.

“Sally, you know better than anyone else that we’re not the family you think we are, right? Seriously, I can’t be shooting two kinds of commercials my whole life…” she quipped, slipping into her beige cowl-necked cashmere blouse.

“I’ve had enough of your snide comments, young lady. You will make it for the meeting and that’s final. Bring that girl with you if you can”

“I wonder why you bother. What has your prodigal daughter done this time…?” 

Sally hung up on her.

“And I’m thrilled she still doesn’t know where I got this attitude from…” she looked at her screen.

Placing her ear plugs back on the cosmetic table, she slid her gorgeous pedicured feet into her furry leather boots and adjusted the brown beret which sat comfy on her flowing brunette hair.

“And we shall crown it all with that little piece of beauty”, she grabbed her brown soft leather bag and modeled her way out of the dressing room.

It was the first time she’s had to be interviewed on a program especially before a crowd. All she did previously was memorize scripts for some commercials and model and pose for glam pictures. She was just a step away from being a movie actress but thought she already had the perks they have. Besides, with what she did, she viewed herself as the main character every time, any day.

Arriving there, she was shocked to see that much crowd, all enamored by her appearance . Of course there were those who gaped at her, squinted in jealousy, and the ones who just admired.

She took her designated seat a few meters away from the host and adjusted herself well on it. The various set organizers ran their last checks and makeup artists sprayed some facial shimmers on her face. The director counted down to screen time and when the time was up, the camera was on the host, Maureen.

“Hi lovelies and welcome to Maureen’s world of fame. Today, we have a special guest with us- a remarkable young lady who’s played a huge role as a fashion leader in our times and is greatly loved by ladies and gentlemen alike. I mean it’s impossible to dislike her because she’s just every kind of lovely and you’ll know why I said that after you see how stunning she looks right now. The title for today’s show is, “Life as a Cookie”. Help me welcome, Cookie McKellar!”

A thunderous applause followed as the camera shifted on her. She sketched a smile on her face and gave a courteous wave.

“So, Ms Cookie, are there other names your fans may not know? Is Cookie your birth name?”

“Erm… actually, my given name is Kayden, Cookie was a pen name my …brother gave me when we were young… Initially I hated it because it was meant for teasing, but eventually, I grew to like it…” she replied with a smile.

“You must share a special bond with your brother…” Maureen added.

“Err… yeah…” she managed a smile.

“Wow, honestly, I’ve always believed you to be an only child until I saw another young lady who had a striking resemblance to you. She was trending some years ago. Let me catch the name…” Maureen tried to remember.

“Keisha?” Cookie chipped.

“That’s right!” Maureen literally jumped.

“Yeah, I get that a lot… but no, we’re… not related” she chuckled softly looking down and away.

“Right, I know you’re a woman of few words but you’ve got to help me on this one. I want you to tell us just a bit more about your family, now that we all know you have a brother, your aspirations growing up as a child- if it was your dream to be who you are now, a social media influencer, relationship views… you know, the stuff your buffs would like to know…”

“Whew… that’s a lot to handle…but let me give this a try” she heaved a deep sigh.

“That’s the spirit!” Maureen threw a fist in the air.

“I … am the second girl in my family. I err… lived with my family until high school when I needed to go boarding… I always wanted to be a pharmacist growing up-“

“Whoo… this is unbelievable…” Maureen cut her while the audience muttered among themselves.

“I’m sure your fans are equally shocked as I am,” she added.

“Yeah… I know…” she chuckled softly.

“You were going to hide all this beauty in a pharmacy? Wow, I just got the shock of my life…” Maureen exaggerated.

“But do you still have those interests, silently hiding somewhere?” She added..

“Um… a bit, not so much. New interests came up somewhere along the line and I ended up becoming an influencer right now because I chose to be an explorer…”

“Wow this is… a-mazing. You’re amazing, girl… but we’ve got to hold our horses for a while as we take a commercial. Right, I know most of y’all might be floored at some of what we’re hearing today, but the best is yet to come. Stay tuned and keep warming those seats for us and we will be right back on “Life as a Cookie…” The audience cheered and the shooting cut. The make-up artist led her to the backroom for a few touch-ups while the rest of the teams took a water break, running a few checks to solve any hitches if there were any.

Her conscience felt stained with shame and that was evident on her demeanor but she had no time to feel sorry for her decision just now.

****

The apartment continued to grow punier and punier as the weight within got bigger. Those poundages that were dug up from roots deeply entrenched in their pasts. It was such a pity that even their little boy began to feel better at home with their neighbors than with his parents.

“Mommy can I go play with Aiden?” He’d usually ask after school. She didn’t even know if it was necessary to not grant him those requests anymore. If she was in his shoes she’d definitely want a place to hide from the deafening silence. This reality hit her hard in the face because she never really knew her sanguine husband could be one grumose mess. Marriage is a daily revelation, she often heard Ms. Morrey say at their cell meetings. She was living in that reality. And although she never said a word about her marriage to anyone, it felt like those old folks already knew.

It took a random child crying on their apartment’s floor for her to remember she had to pick up Darren from school. And that was two hours after their closing time from school. 

“Oh shoot!” She rushed to her wardrobe, threw some clothes on and started out to hit the door. Before she reached it, there he was. One look at him and she knew her marriage was dying before her eyes.

“You forgot to pick him up. Again. And you didn’t bother to call…” He greeted her with such a cold look as little Darren rested on his shoulder.

“I’m, I’m sorry, Jamal… I had a lot to do and I forgot and…” 

“You know what, just forget it…” he walked over to their room and laid their son in his cute bed at the corner.

“I… I’ve set the table for dinner…” she stammered.

“I’m not hungry…” he put down his briefcase and took off his jacket.

“I’m sorry, Jamal… I’m really sorry… for everything…” she finally said, throwing her hands in the air in exasperation. She had grown tired of silently hoping for him to know what was going wrong in their marriage. She was tired of silently saying sorry for the things she didn’t know she had done wrong. She was tired of silently waiting for him to tell her what’s wrong with him. She just felt she had to apologize for the silence and whatever that caused it.

“And there she goes again… Marissa, just… please stop… it’s been a long day and the last thing I want to hear today is sorry…ok?” he puffed. No one would understand why he hated that word unless they knew how he had felt about himself all those years- he really felt sorry for himself, too sorry to not want to be reminded of it again and again.

He hit the showers to freshen up. It had been a hard day for him at work. Being an overseer of a whole health facility was definitely not easy for him. He was greatly backlogged and had several updates to sort and organize. Having to pick up a child after such pressure was bound to get him all cranked up. Marissa too was overly immersed in her thoughts to do what she’s supposed to be doing. Spending countless hours trying to figure out what was wrong between them was more draining than living in the house. It was intriguing to find how they had managed to stay together for six long years.

Coming out with a towel wrapped around his waist, he came to meet her seated on their bed with her back facing him. She had her face buried in her hands and all he heard were silent sniffles. He wondered if he was too hard on her earlier given how their past few days had been. But how long was he going to bottle up his emotions if talking about them would get her this upset. He had already tried so much to say little, hoping that’d prevent the wrong things from being said. However, he knew he needed to cut her some slack because it looked like he was the only one strong enough to hold their little family together. She was a broken mess and even her, knew that and so did he.

He walked over to her and for the first time in days he touched her by the arm gently. At first, she twitched but later loosened up and hugged him at the waist.

“If I can’t say sorry, what can I say for all the trouble I’ve caused you?” she sobbed.

“…Say nothing Marissa. It’s not your fault. I just have so much going on with me right now so please help me and don’t beat yourself up over nothing… Marie” he replied, raking his fingers through her hair.

“But what do I do if you aren’t saying anything …”

“A hug will do” he curled his lip. She finally earned his smile after how many days?! She looked up at him, finally relieved at the hope she saw in his eyes. He wiped the tears from her eyes and returned the smile with a more enchanting one. For someone with a flawless demeanor like him, anyone would wonder how his life had to end up in this little apartment and especially with just one woman, who didn’t really measure up to his supposed taste given the life from his early years.

He looked at the beaut before him who had cost him everything in his life but he still couldn’t help but smile the pain away because all he saw was a patched broken woman.

“Will you please eat something for me now?” she tried to persuade him this time. Seeing her make those cute puppy eyes softened him and he agreed. Marissa fetched him his robe and with her hands clamped on his shoulders, she drove him to the table and sat him down before his meal. She turned on the TV and shuffled through some channels until they were hit by the one stunning lady on a reality show. Jamal felt a cold brush across his face and Marissa noticed it. She then pointed the remote to the TV to change the channel but he stopped her.

“Don’t change it…”

“Are you alright?”

“Mmhm… Every once in a while I guess I have to know if they’re all fine, right…?” 

“I’m only more worried about Shasha… I wish …” Marissa hesitated before she continued.

“I wish we could see her again. That day at the diner she looked so lost and fragile. I saw myself in her- how I was when that someone left me.” Marissa recalled her dreadful experience with their brother. To her, Jamal was an answer from God, otherwise, what would have become of her?

“Fragile, she may be … but if she isn’t, that’ll be scary…” he mumbled.

“That’s why I think you should find her . My guts tell me she’s around here somewhere…”

“Then that would mean coming along with me…”

“…I don’t think she would want to see me, seeing how she literally fled from me. You have a better chance at reaching her than I would.”

“Not really. I think you might be overthinking things”

“She’s Richmond’s younger sister, Jamal. I know we shared a connection in her younger days but now is going to be difficult. Too much has changed.” 

“I understand your hesitation but I think  sometimes we have to go back to go forward…” Jamal gently cupped her hand.

“…”

“Anyway, it’s no rush… I’ll wait for your decision…” he added, tuning back to the program. Watching her give those impersonal responses on tv only revealed how little had changed with her.

“Seems little has changed…” he smirked in disappointment.

“I’ll rest up first”, he picked up his plate and emptied it. 

“You didn’t like the meal?” She asked, already feeling awful and about talking herself down with all her self-judging thoughts.

“I loved it very much but I just lost my appetite… and it has absolutely nothing to do with you, honey,” he kissed her hair and left for their room. He couldn’t afford another night of trying to make her happy when he had no energy himself to be one.

“Where are you, Shasha?” He sighed. He spread himself on the bed and allowed his thoughts to wonder.

****

He replayed a time when he, Richmond and Jamie used to hang out with girls from their high school. Possessing such desirable looks, it wasn’t hard at all for him to get a lady to be interested in him. He could actually keep a whole list and schedule them in his timetable. When asked who his favorite was, he’d laugh about it and tell them it was no one. He only cared about having a good time to make up for his many hours of study and basketball practice.

Keisha was only in sixth grade at the time and she always hid in her shell. She never mixed up with the crowd, nor had a clique of her own like the other kids. Her appearance always appeared bland: a sleek ponytail, cutting straight edge of a uniform, well polished shoe with a white flowery pair of socks. Her mother would give her a lecture and a grounding if any of these appearances didn’t  check the boxes. 

What she did most was write in her diary everything that she drank in from her environment. As a child, she was never encouraged to do anything new but the usual- chores, homework and church. Her older siblings had extracurricular activities going on. Yvette was with the music club, Richmond with the basketball team and Cookie with the pageantry. However, Keisha cowered at the thought of trying anything new. She cared about what her mother would think if she failed and she had stories to predict what would happen. Cold stares. Plastic encouragements. And of course, should she do something wrong one time, she’d step up to the role of playing the Accuser’s assistant.

He noticed her timidity and decided to draw her out of her cave. The first day he’d carry out his decision was when she was being picked on by a group of bullies from her class. He stepped in and they literally flew away. Being a senior and the basketball captain made him deserving of such respect.

“Are you alright, Shasha?” He approached her with his ball tucked under his arm. He had just completed training and was spent. He looked like it, actually. Droplets of hardwork run from his temple down his face and from his nape, highlighting the flawlessness of his light colored skin. Hardwork never looked so handsome. He had ditched an invitation to chill out with the rest of the team because he had a test the next day. It wasn’t a good time to fall from Ms Strolley’s graces. He had come to the cafeteria to grab a soda from the vending machine and that was where he met the brats who were giving the poor girl a hard time.

Her heart skipped a beat when she saw him. She finally understood why those boys didn’t bother with her again and just fled. She was lost for words that she hadn’t noticed she was just asked if she was alright. Jamal was every girl’s dream alright but he was especially hers. Ever since he started visiting their home to see her brother, she’d hide behind her brother’s door just to steal a glance from him. She thought she hid well but he knew all about it. Is that not what made him a player? 

“Shasha?” He called her back from her daze.

“Are you alright?” 

She fumbled and looked down at her uniform. Following her eyes, he guessed right. She wasn’t alright. Her uniform had just been shoved with lasagna. She dusted off the remains and tried to use her napkin to get it off. 

“Let me help you with that”, he laid down his ball and extended his hand to help but she cringed a little in embarrassment. This is not how she pictured her first official encounter with him. Now the thought of her mother making a fuss about this incident was all she could think about.

“I’m going to be in trouble”, she muffled to herself. Tears almost forming in her eyes. Jamal felt uneasy. The last thing he wanted to see was a girl crying. Any playboy would care less about that, but not him. That’s why he didn’t play with just any girl and she just proved herself to be one of those girls. He didn’t even have a tissue to offer her.

He didn’t even have a tissue to offer her.

“Shasha, please stop crying. Your eyes are going to get all puffy and ugly” he tapped her awkwardly. She stopped immediately. If Jamal was ever going to notice her at least she needed to scrape off every little piece of beauty she could have, she thought. Unfortunately, that was only a weak attempt.

****

How time flies. The little girl from the past isn’t so little anymore and though it had been six years since they met, the thought of her only filled him with shame of what could have been. He knew he had failed her but he only found out too late.

“Keisha…” he sighed.

“I’m sorry…” and those words did little to ease the weight he had had to bear for six long years .

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