So before you go ahead to read this letter, I figured you’d need a brief backstory so you get the import of it. I had a lovely person in my life who I genuinely loved and appreciated in my life. We had some differences and stuff between us got really messy. Both of us were hurt and expressed it in different ways. However, I expressed mine by confiding in someone who didn’t really like this lovely person and it got the messy situation messier. My fault was, I had betrayed a confidence regardless of the fact that I was hurt and now, the beautiful relationship which once was has become, well… I’m not sure how but I’ve left it in God’s hands. All I can say is, in every relationship you have, always have Jesus as the third cord so it will not be easily broken. I still have some hope for that messy relationship I have though. You should too.
Dear God, I trust all is well. I would have liked to find out how the angels and everyone else are doing but the guilt I’m feeling is too heavy for me to exchange pleasantries. I have come to confess again. You blessed me with such lovely people but I just hurt them in return. I know what I did wasn’t intended but then it happened anyway. I allowed my heart to bottle up things they shouldn’t and I ended up growing bitter and blurting out what should have been covered.
“Love covers a multitude of sins” You say. But i didn’t cover and instead, I felt I was validated to let others know what I went through forgetting not everyone handles issues with grace like you do. Now, the justice I felt entitled to and took a hand of now looks like betrayal. I have bit the hand that fed me and ruined what could have still been a beautiful relationship.
I have written down my fault so you can wipe it clean off the tainted slate in my mind because I can’t seem to move forward or move at all. All I’ve done is try to hope for a good future yet my mind is filled with different paintings of the past which keeps me in guilt. “What if I never find real people who care again”, “What if I’m not as trustworthy as I thought?” that’s a prideful thought anyway but the what ifs in my head are just fighting me from doing anything at all.
Perhaps, I need to heal from my own faults too because I offended these lovely people out of a bitter heart. Not to justify my wrong, but before I hurt them, they hurt me and I know it sounds like a revenge but God you know it wasn’t. I’ve come for mercy for this mess I’ve made Lord. This something not just their forgiveness can take care of because I have already done what was expected of me.
Love, Your dear one
16th May, 2023
Thescrolla 