Whoof! Today is going to be a story of some kind! One of the most hidden stories I’ve kept for about twelve to sixteen years, not sure but it was messy. So before we get right into the letter for today, again I need to provide a backstory. I had a friend when I was a child who lived in my hood and hear me, I’m so tempted to put the blame of whatever happened on her but that’d just be wrong and hypocritical of me and defeats the purpose of this. We did some very naughty things together as kids which still rears its head at me even in my growing years. For protection reasons, I’m going to name this girl as Girlene (Sounds like a good name to me, though, lol)
Dear God, today I remembered Girlene. I can’t help but regret those things we did when we were little. I knew if Your mercy hadn’t stepped in I’d probably be a lesbian by now. I wish I never met her but then again, I had a part to play in those naughty things we did in that compound house of others. If my curiosity hadn’t led me, I probably wouldn’t have been killed because I lost that innocence the day we watched those blue films, when my mind painted different versions of those dirty things. What I didn’t know was that, those dirty works of art would not come off as easily as they got on.
Because after eighteen years, I still see that old friend knocking on my heart like it has genuinely missed me. But then again, I’ve come to know that one of the main thing the enemy does is sneak his way in when I decide to wallow in my past failures because then, all the guilt I thought I didn’t feel enough now creeps in. And then I begin to feel less and less deserving of Your grace. But thank You Your grace is not for the deserving ones. No wonder you say “He who has been forgiven little, loves little and he has been forgiven much, loves much”. Well Jesus, I want to love much so I’m going to take a heavy dosage of Your forgiveness which You made available on the cross. I’m going to do that without shame and without any fear because I see that immediately I sink into the pool of guilt and condemnation, then what I am trying to tell you is that Your sacrifice on the cross is too small to cover my sins and that would be insulting and proud!
So, I’m going to take mercy for that mess, that You’d help me through those dark memories and expect better days ahead. And no more would I call that enemy an Old Friend because when I do, then I have to let him in when he knocks.
Love, Your dear one
16th May, 2023.
Thescrolla 