Chapter Sixteen

Albie made a habit of coming to their apartment everyday after school whenever her brother left her to play football with Darren and the neighborhood kids. After Feena had had the longest pleasure of teasing her roommate who rightly claimed to hate children, she was beginning to see a change in that narrative. Keisha welcomed Albie’s visit not the way she expected it but Albie was intelligent enough to understand unspoken intentions. They could even leave her by herself knowing they’d return and find her well comported.

Keisha on the other hand had many troubled days ever since her encounter with Jamal but she was grateful to have not run into him again after that time. Her sleep disorders were back again and those nippy feelings she had whenever she was unsettled were getting the best of her. She promised Naomi to stay away from drugs and the cigar box if she takes her on as a worker but she needed it. Her body called for it. She felt she was going to shatter into smithereens if she didn’t lay hold on one.

It would not be a good idea for Albie to meet her in this state so she tried hard to not rouse any suspicion by rushing to her room and gently closing the door. She slipped down to the floor behind her door and all she did was pant, as if she’s been up with a heavy task. Sweat poured off her brows, soaked her shirt, her thighs, everywhere and she had done nothing. This was just the result of the fight she fought inside of her. Another minute of this and she knew she would be losing her mind. She picked herself up to take a shower and afterwards, slid into her usual evening clothes only a little more decent that day because a child was in her apartment. She cussed at the thought of that.

“How I hate children!” She mumbled it to herself in different ways, prepping up to go to their usual, Night’s Mare. 

“Leave the key under the mat when you’re ready to go”, she uttered.

“Yes please,” Albie replied. Her politeness was all part of her scheme of staying in favor with her. 

The club didn’t have that many people around at that time but it was open and that’s all that mattered to her. She called for the shots of a harder liquor than the usual she took and downed each one of them till she was stoned. 

“Keisha, are you alright?” The bartender tapped her gently but she wouldn’t budge. 

A few minutes later, someone walked towards her from one side of the room to where she was and gestured to the bartender that he’d handle it. He sat by the wasted girl and observed her. She hadn’t changed a bit from the last time they met. It looked like he was the only one who could see through her. 

“Keisha,” he leaned forward and whispered in her ear. 

“Leave me alone, Jamal. Stay faaaar faaaaar away from me,” she spoke in her sleep. Mitch stared at the drunk woman silently and reminded himself of the lie he forced himself to believe ever since the first time he saw her. 

“She’s not my type of girl,” he said.

The last time he was forced to take her home. It looked like he had to do the same this time. He dreaded the thought of it. He managed to send her without being seen that day. What would happen today? He thought.

After a long time of contemplating he embraced the only thing he had to do. He swooped her from the high stool  into his arms. Shirlene watched the scene from her little corner and could almost feel her anger getting the better of her but the depression was, there was nothing  she could do. 

****

Sally was beginning to agree with what Cookie said concerning their family gatherings. Now that she reflected, their meeting together brought more harm than good. Now she saw for herself that there was no hope at all for their family and she also knew her sister had something up her sleeve with that surprising silence she brought with her. Her nephew acted all the more awkward around her but she feigned ignorance. 

The family dinner also took a toll on him. The more he remembered his conversation with Keisha the more he hated himself. He had spent days in his room brooding over what he could do nothing about. After his last spat with his mother, she too promised herself to never step foot in his room.

“Jamie, your breakfast is ready”, Sally had entered and he didn’t even notice. 

“Yes please,” he startled a bit as if he was just caught doing something.

“Are you alright?”

“Y-yes please,” he stuttered.

“Alright. I’ll see you downstairs in a moment then.” He nodded. 

The three of them sat at table together having breakfast. Shelby had school so she had to leave early. Bertha had kept to herself since they returned and everyone knew why but no one was concerned enough to address her problem. Jamie hardly kept a firm grip on his cutlery.

“Jamie, you really don’t look so good. Are you sure you’re doing alright?” She dished some salad from the bowl to her plate. Bertha glared at him from her side of the table. He knew what that meant and avoided her gaze intentionally. But he was exhausted. He wanted freedom, freedom he always thought it was selfish of him to have. All these years he felt he needed to live with the guilt of his mistakes to pacify the ones he’d hurt. But he saw himself crumble inside. And now he has the opportunity to let it out but he didn’t think his aunt deserved to know it from him. The only person who could tell her the truth is the one he already painted a liar. 

“Aunt Sally…,” and he changed his mind on what he was going to say.

“I’m alright,” he muttered and kept his face down on his meal.

Sally watched him closely. She already knew what ate at him. Hasn’t she lived with that shame herself? Two reasons kept her from speaking about it. The first was, she relished the thought of how that incident haunted both mother and child. She was pleased at how they were reaping the fruits from what they had sown many years ago. She felt as if she finally had company in doing penance for the wrong choices she made. The second reason which was deeply hidden in her heart was, it reminded her of how much of a coward she was by not protecting her own daughter.

“Alright. I’ll leave you two at it then. I need to step out,” she dabbed her lips and excused herself. She lived in her own house but somehow, she felt like the guest. 

“I’ve had enough of you these past few days. I need you out of this house by the end of this month,” she threw her cutlery on the plate and stood up to leave. 

“That’s what I thought too,” he smirked.

“I’ve also had enough of all this,” he tossed the table napkin aside and walked out before she did. She slumped back down on her chair, frustrated with what was happening around her. She desperately needed her son to be brave and take charge of his life, not wallow in self pity which would eventually draw her back into that humiliation he almost caused her years ago. It was her life’s goal to never have anything to apologize for, especially to her sister. Besides, the harm had already been done- she had broken her son and robbed him of that bravado he could have donned himself with growing up. Now the only word which fit his description was one: a coward.

****

It was around 11pm and he had now arrived at the flats totally spent having to carry the drunk lady who had now clutched her hands around his neck. The weight he felt on his back didn’t match the figure. But people always said drunk people are heavier than they’d usually be on a normal day. He was beginning to agree with that.

He had three flights of stairs to get through. Each step heavy with sweat as he climbed. He finally arrived at her door and it took countless knocks for him to know there was no one there. Another bang on the door and Naomi appeared with shock in her eyes. 

“Mitchy? Is that you?” She studied his features and fought the longing of holding him like she did when he was a child.

“You’re all grown up,” she sniffled and smiled softly. 

He said nothing still holding the sleeping lady. Naomi hardly noticed that. It was as if he was all she could see. He felt rather appalled by her actions. This was the last woman he never wanted to meet. It was no wonder he was always cautious to not run into her. He tightened his grip on the young lady and turned away from her. It was there she saw who it was he carried.

“You can bring her over. She’s my neighbor. I think her roommate is out.” 

He stopped and turned to her to lead the way. With her little walking stick, she went in ahead and opened the door for him. 

It really looked like the house of an old lady. Just before the door was a cute rectangular table with four chairs around it. White linens draped over the table with pale blue embroidered table cloths. At the centre of it was a cake stand which had some bagels arranged in a circle. Her hall was plain. Lacey curtains, textured sofas with sofa napkins and an ornate centre furniture which added to the essemble. Her walls were plain white and on them were pictures of flowers, Christian quotes and a picture of her with a little boy in her arms. Mitchel wasn’t interested in taking a tour in that house. He only wanted to roll that girl in the sofa and be on his way. 

“Mitchy, can you stay a moment with me, please?” Naomi called him, her voice cracking softly. 

“I know there’s a lot you hate me for but I still wish to ask for your forgiveness not as if you owe it to me as my son but because I failed you as a mother,” her voice wavered. Mitchy paused at the sound of that. All these years this was one thing he never thought he could do- facing the mother who abandoned him but here he was, broken inside to bits and all he could feel was deep compassion mixed with shades and tints of heartbreak and bitterness. If only she knew how he lived after juvie. Jumping from one place to another as a teen scraping off food from people’s leftovers in the restaurants. There were some days he even partnered with some street performers to earn some money through his talent as a dancer. Though he resented Dwayne a lot, that fellow did him a good one for taking him from the streets. And he had this one woman to thank for all those ordeals he went through. He may have been moved to extend some love to her but he wasn’t sure he was ready to do that, that very day.

“… Not today, ma’am,” he turned to leave. Perhaps that was better than him not saying anything at all and it also gave her hope that someday, their relationship would be restored. 

“Can you please do me a favor then?” He paused. Her quivering hands almost touched him. It looked like her heart and hands were going in one place and then the guilt in her mind held them back. She slowly brought back her limbs and thought of how to utilize this one moment she had asked for.

“My diner is the one beside the flats. Let’s have tea together on your next visit. In your own time…” and she wished that would be soon because she thought she had just given him a window of opportunity to never return. 

He sighed and walked out, closing the door behind him gently and not saying a word. 

She leaned against one of the dining chairs with her eyes still locked on where he had stood. Grateful that the boy she’d been looking for was finally within her reach.

“Thank you, Jesus. You are a good God and I praise you because you cause everything to work out for my good. Thank you that I can look forward to the day you restore my son to me,” she whispered. Their separation worked on them differently but she trusted that God’s hand of salvation and mercy moved on their behalf. 

The lady in the couch jostled a bit in the couch. Who would have thought that this jerk had such a sweet woman as mother? But more importantly, what could Naomi have done wrong to him? Maybe she’d not bet her life on the fact that whatever it was would be Mitch’s fault but she just might bet on her last penny that that could be the case. And that was the first time in a long while she ever felt curious about someone else’s life. It made her feel alive for the strangest reason. Her default disposition would have been to feign ignorance. After all, she was too trapped in her own world.

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