Chapter Twenty-Two

Ten years ago continued

“Where have you been, young lady?” Sally didn’t sound amused. It was now 8 in the morning and she just saw her daughter walk in from the front door in a new set of clothes she’s never seen before. Keisha stood leaning on the door, praying she could stand long enough to take what her mother was going to serve her. She was already grateful that she had made it home from the hospital. All she wanted right now was to lock herself up in her room and hide beneath the sheets and possibly die in there. But Sally wasn’t reading her well. Their impersonal relationship blinded her from seeing her swollen eyes, her usual gait which was now with a slight limp and her overall demeanor which cowered in fear.

“I asked you a question, Keisha” her voice was flat. As to whether it was a good time to talk about it, she knew she wasn’t emotionally ready to. She had just been hit with two things she never expected to happen to her- a broken heart and a shattered soul. Her eyes did the talking but unfortunately they did a bad job seeing how Sally got worked up by her silence. But if she spoke, would she be heard? Or worse, would she be believed?

“Are you not going to say anything?” Impatient at this point. Keisha tried to speak but even her breath wavered in fear. Her throat was sore with pain and the heat of fear which rose from within only made it worse. But she had to make an effort. Who knows, perhaps if there’s a God in heaven, that God would touch her mother’s heart to believe her even if He couldn’t save her the night before. She was willing to forgive God for that if that should happen.

“I-“ Bertha burst in before the next word as if that was her cue to come. 

“Oh Keisha, you’re finally home? Where have you been? Your mother and I have been worried sick about you?!” She climbed down the stairs in a rather dramatic manner. She asked so many questions she knew she didn’t want answers for because she wanted to be the one to give them.

“Jamie told me you had a date with your boyfriend last night,” she blurted in a rather sarcastic tone. Keisha glowered at her and quickly turned to her mother with pleading eyes to not believe that. 

“So that’s why you’re not speaking…” Sally finally said. 

“After all that fuss going on between he and your brother? Getting a girl pregnant and all that? You’re still involved with him?” Sally bawled.

“Is that why you didn’t come last night?” Bertha faked her concern. The story she heard was piecing together too well to tell her own. 

“Why aren’t you speaking?” Sally shouted, feeling the exasperation rise from her chest. She wondered if her mother really wanted her to speak but she wanted to take a chance, no matter how hard it would be. With trembling hands, she took out her stained dress which was now but shreds and showed it to her mother. Tears flowing and hands shaking as she held them close to her for her to see. Sally went pale after that and swallowed hard. 

“Jamie… did this-“

“Jamie did what!” Bertha roared after that. Keisha was grateful for the distance between them, she could bet the woman would have pounced on her that instance. In a moment, the girls were up and watching from up the stairs. Rich, who had been indoors or out at the arcades was up too, wondering what the yells were all about. Keisha had a knack for getting on the old women’s bad side and that was normal but that day seemed different.

“What did Jamie do to you? How could you say such a thing after everything he went through to save you last night?!” Bertha was on the verge of crying. 

“Sally… It seems to me that your daughter holds a grudge against my boy when he has been nothing but a big brother to you. Tell me, has anyone seen Jamie here today?” she sobbed and was met with the silence she expected.

“Exactly. Because he’s still recovering from his injuries yesterday. Last night when we were at church for our meeting, Jamie rushed there only to tell me that Keisha disappeared and was nowhere to be found. We thought someone had kidnapped her seeing that she didn’t have her phone with her. It was only by the mercy of our God that Jamie was able to guess her password and see her last message before her disappearance. It was addressed to Jamal. Jamal had promised her a date to the movies and she told no one. Knowing that she’d be in trouble for being with that rascal, I asked my poor son to go to the cinema and take her home, but my boy later returned home with an injured arm and leg, saying Jamal got into a fist fight with him when he tried to take Keisha away. I never knew that brat could get so aggressive…” she winced.

“I went to the cinema myself  but unfortunately I was too late, I didn’t see them. That was when I came to tell you that Keisha had disappeared. And now, she comes the next morning, shows us the evidence of the shameful thing she was doing with that boy and wants to blame my son for it?” She wept bitterly at this point, turning away as if she had been pained. Keisha’s eyes were failing her at that moment. It was too sore to look up and defend her. It was easier to look down, however it only made Bertha’s take sound like the truth. As if she hadn’t said enough she continued,

“Sally, I know how much my family remains indebted to you for everything. And I know how poised you are in bringing up your kids in the way of God. My kids may not be as great as yours, but believe me, my son knows his limits. But you should keep an eye on your daughter, for her to be this scheming, I don’t know what else she cannot do,” she added and climbed back up to her room, telling them not to fix breakfast for her. 

The tears poured. Her shaking body no longer shook with fear but with anger and pain. She slowly lifted her eyes to meet her mother who drew closer to her looking defeated. However, she mistook for a moment that she was coming to finally listen to her. She opened her mouth to speak and before any word could be heard from her, the loud sound of a hand against a cheek was heard. Her weak hand covered her flushed cheek. 

“How dare you do this to me?!” Sally broke into tears.

“Mom…” a tear rolled down from her surprised eyes. And that was the only time that word bore the meaning she craved for.

Cookie gasped in horror. Yvette was slightly concerned, which was outside her usual behavior. Rich couldn’t be bothered. Sally’s hand now felt the weight of something heavy. Or was it her heart? But she must have mistook the guilt she felt towards her daughter as anger and disappointment instead.

“You’d be dead if you end up humiliating me again with whatever results from that sin you committed with whoever. And return to me that purity bracelet which was given you at church. Clearly you’re not worthy enough to wear it anymore, I’d rather keep it than have one of those women tear it from your wrist themselves,” her voice hoarse with wrath though she did her best to contain it.

“Now, get out of my sight and spend your morning scrubbing outside the gate. Looks to me like you have too much time on your hands to be doing other things,” she ordered. 

“Cookie, tell the maids we won’t be needing them this morning. Someone has to do penance for their sins,” she addressed Cookie without shifting her gaze for a moment from Keisha and afterwards, left for her room too.

It wasn’t a good time to tell her mother she was sore in between her legs so she had to bear it. 

Yvette retired to her room after the show but Rich had already left and no one realized when he did. Cookie did as she was told as quickly as she could so she doesn’t bear anymore brunt of her mother’s wrath.

One by one she saw them all leave except for Cookie who lingered a bit because of the phone call. They locked eyes with each other but nothing was said. She put her shredded dress back into the bag she came with and trudged to her room, one heavy step after another. After a few minutes she was back again with her tools, ready to clean the spot she spilled her first blood. 

Her knees jerking with the pain she felt, she knelt slowly on the hard concrete floor and scrubbed like she was purging herself of all the filth she took in and on herself. Every brush on the floor reminding her again and again of how worthless she was. A soiled dove, one might say. She knuckled away the tears which were enough to moisten the floor enough for her to scrub.

****

“You shameless boy!” Bertha scolded her son quietly behind their closed doors. She was fraught with anger. Jamie was paralyzed with the fear of what he had done. After full recovery of what he did the previous night, he was left shaken to death. Not a word was able to escape from his mouth. His mother on the other hand was distraught. She scarcely kept her mind at bay.

“You must never tell another soul about this,” she spoke sternly yet in a quiet tone. Jamie wanted to just rush down the stairs and spill everything so he could be free but his mother would not hear it. She told him to forget all about it and that she had handled the mess. Oh and she did a good job at it.

“You would say nothing but sit quietly on that little heinie of yours,” she warned him.

“But mom, I … I … did,”

“You would shut your mouth, Jamie! I’m not about to be made a laughingstock because of your silly whims. Your aunt believes Jamal did it. And I doubt she’d think of whatever happened between both of them as an assault since we all know how dovey-eyed that girl was towards him. So whatever happens, hush it. The only part you tried to play was bring her home during which you got beaten,” Bertha went over the story like it was a script to be memorized.

“But I wasn’t alone,”

“Why do you whine so much?” Exasperated at this moment.  She took in a deep sigh to orient him on everything she had planned to play out. 

“Those brats you call friends will take care of what happens at school. But whatever happens, you must remember your goal was only one: to bring her home,” she emphasized. Jamie wished he hadn’t told her what he’d done. His mother’s involvement only complicated things and now he felt stupid for underestimating that invisible competition which plagued both sisters and robbed them of what could have been a beautiful relationship.

He didn’t need someone to tell him that he had gone too far with his games and he wanted to make it right. But he didn’t know that what he did the last night was more than wounding a woman, he had killed one.

****

The next morning she woke up tired and groggy. Not that she had worked hard the day before to merit that but her mind was muddled with shock and all kinds of fear. It swarmed with questions she wished she couldn’t think of. And she obviously had no answers to them, making herself feel worse. Stepping out of her room was out of question because she could see that she had become like a plague to her family, most importantly, her mother. Another memory of that slap on her face got her eyes welling up again and she just had to blink them away.

“Keisha…” Cookie knocked her door faintly almost too faint to hear. 

“Sally said to prep up for school…” She muttered. She felt less guilty for not delivering the message the way her mother had intended to. Her new hobby as a content creator and blogger must have shaped her communication skills. 

Keisha remained snugged in her bed, holding herself tight as if someone was going to grab her again. But she knew her mother and that it’d be in her best interest to finish up quickly before she came there herself. Pulling herself out, she did what she had to and slipped into her uniform. She had never really looked forward to school previously but now was worse, knowing she was going to see all those faces who had seen her in desolation. 

 She hoped that now that she was stepping out, the family would be done with breakfast. Cracking the door slightly, she stepped out as if she was sneaking out and to her disappointment they were still at table, except for Rich and Yvette who left earlier. Rich was in his room getting ready himself for school too. He and his cousin still had a few days until completion as seniors. Yvette took the day off for an interview at a brokerage firm. 

Cookie sat adjacent Sally, Bertha opposite Sally with her children on either side of her. How she wished she could quickly turn back inside! But she had already been seen. Her presence definitely irritated Bertha more than anyone but she had to rein herself. She was already praying her story would be believed, it wouldn’t be a good idea to give a cause for doubt. She worked her cutlery off on her plate as if she was imagining Keisha in it. 

“What are you standing there for?” Sally asked, her face grim.

“I -I was just about leaving…” she swallowed hard, trying to control her tongue which stuttered more now than before. But something else gnawed at her- the coldness in her mother’s eyes. She’d never seen that before and it terrified her, crushing her further. She’d never had a good enough relationship with her previously but now, even the little good which was in it had been blown away.

Sally understood the noise her sister made with her eating tools and she was going to do something about it. False peace was better than none at all, she rationalised.

“Before you do, come apologise to your aunt and cousin,” she ordered without giving her as much as a look. Keisha’s eyes widened in disbelief. She thought she didn’t hear right. She had already scrubbed off the mess he created and now she had to apologise to him? 

“Did you not hear me?” Sally dropped her fork and looked at her with piercing eyes. Jamie could not risk crumbling at the sound of that seeing how his mother darted shooting eyes at him.

She had cried too much to do it again. Walking with little difficulty compared to before, she approached her cousin who fought hard to stay in composure.

“Do you really want me to apologize?” She couldn’t stifle a convulsive gasp. But she did well to have looked him directly in the face which got the young man cringing a little. That was satisfying enough. She swallowed a lump and drew a half smile. If her next words aren’t apologies she might actually die from the glares from her mother.

“I’m sorry, Jamie” she smiled again through her dried tears.

“Sorry for what?” Sally interjected.

“I’m sorry for… trusting you,” Bertha shot a glance at her. Before any of them interrupted she continued.

“Aunt Bertha, I’m sorry I misjudged you,” Bertha didn’t understand what underlying message she had wired in that. She definitely didn’t feel the apology the way it was meant to. It almost sounded like a censure, only toned down. None of them said a word back and Sally dismissed her to go to school.

Before she arrived in school, her insides started to coil and beads of sweat glided over her face as if she had just been given a hefty task. She slowed her pace as she trudged to the Juniors hallway to pick up the books she needed for her classes from the locker. A hand from nowhere slammed the locker door shut, hard in her face. She startled a bit and slowly turned to face who did that. Her face blanched after that.

“Jamal…” she blanked out. For a moment she forgot that this  guy had actually been the one to set the ball rolling for that night when he chose to honor one date over another. But he looked steamed and ready to rile up on her.

“What’s the meaning of this?” He held his phone out to meet her eyes. It was a screenshot of a conversation they supposedly had, which painted a picture of both of them having an affair and of course, setting her up as the naive girl desperate for love at any cost.

Her eyes bulged out with tears as heat surged within her. Jamal was too preoccupied with his emotions to notice her cluelessness of the situation. All he wanted to do was clear his name in front of Marissa so that she wouldn’t doubt his love for her. 

“Aren’t you going to explain?” He yelled. Marissa tried to calm him, knowing he was desperate to win her trust. Keisha looked at both of them, but more at Jamal. He didn’t seem to realise the wrong he had done to her and that alone was enough disappointment to her. Seeing her quiet  and distraught made him ease up a little to speak more softly. Reminding himself it was still little Shasha, the crybaby, no matter the wrong she’d done, she still deserved that much from him.

“You are one of the dearest people in my life, Keisha and I don’t know what this is about but I’ve always seen you as a sister and nothing more than that. I realized you were always alone in your own dark world and all I wanted you to see was life from a brighter side of the world… but I’ve never once, considered anything more than that. Now tell me, is that a good enough reason for you to go this far?” He asked her as if she had an answer to that.

All she could think about were the times they walked to her mother’s restaurant together, visited the community parks on the weekends, the times where he helped her with schoolwork, dined with her when he was on a break from basketball practice and their usual hit and run games they often played with her brother and Jamie. A lot had changed and she couldn’t fight the bitterness growing inside of her. She just realized she’d been taken on a fool’s ride. What amazed her more was how he managed to make time for Marissa when they were almost always together. But who cares, he had made his choice and she was the one kicked to the curb. She had to face what came before her alone no matter how bitter, and the earlier she drums it in, the better.

“I’m… sorry, Jamal…” she replied quietly. It seemed to her she owed everyone an apology. They had drawn so much attention that she couldn’t help but feel the flushes of shame all over her face. Of all the names she could be labeled as, she never thought slut would be one of them.

“No Keisha. Sorry doesn’t cut it this time. You really messed me up and …” he hesitated. She knew what would follow. Even if he didn’t say it, she was thinking the same thing.

“It’s best if we don’t see each other for now. Obviously my friendly intentions have been misunderstood,” he finally said and walked away. Keisha leaned against her locker with her arms hugging her books tight, showing how much she wanted to be held now, because her legs had turned to jelly and were almost taking her down.

****

A couple of weeks later, the nightmares she battled with every night started showing signs of coming true. Sally had made herself clear as to what would become of her if that should happen. She experienced tiredness from doing nothing, drowsiness on most occasions and felt a bulging sensation from within her. At this point, she didn’t have the energy or time to spare going through that bitter emotional phase all over again. She shut herself out and decided to get rational with it. As harsh as it sounded. After all, if she really knew who her mother was, she’d know that she had already discovered what was growing inside of her and was expecting her to know what to do.

She stayed on the floor by the bathtub with drugs scattered around her, weeping softly. Not because of the pain that came with whatever she’s done but because she was failing to recognize herself- the part of her that was innocent of blood now had blood stained on her hands. How she wished she was the one flushed down instead! The thought of committing this terrible act she never thought she would do or find the need to do weighed so heavily on her that, she literally felt her head explode. Life wasn’t supposed to be like this? A girl was born to grow like a flower, beautiful and innocent and if fortunate, lavished with love. All these years she had lived well without the last one and just when she was growing content with the others, she got stripped off them. That was unfair and she wasn’t going to think of how Jesus would feel about what she’d done. If He didn’t care about her feelings then she has no business caring about His, she thought. 

Still mazed in her own thoughts, the door to the bathroom cracked open. It was the person she’d been waiting for. Waiting to tell her the deed was done so she can breathe now. 

“And what are you doing down there on the floor?” Her voice, as hostile as it could be. Keisha knuckled away a tear and smiled at her. 

“I took care of it, Sally,”  she looked away from her with shame as the thought crossed her mind. 

“Took care of what?”

“Your reputation,” she gave a treacly smile and held herself up with the tub. Sally’s face flushed with tears but she quickly turned away before her daughter saw them. Keisha saw her close the door from behind and almost heard her heart make the same sound as the door.

“Get over it, girl,” she smirked and caught an image of herself in the mirror which got her watching closely. Watching how the not so imperfect image she saw before was gradually changing to a hideous one which would plague her for the rest of her life.

---